Practice What I Preach

The assignment: To use a specific voice, not of your choosing, to condemn a social evil, of your choosing. This is an assignment I’m giving to my 5000 Words Writing Class, ages 13 & up.

I give four (4) choices for voice.

  1. Light-hearted, flippant, funny
  2. Solemn, serious, deep
  3. Sarcastic, arrogant, educated
  4. Silly, informal, uneducated

My social evil: Abortion

My chosen voice: light-hearted, flippant, funny (I thought this one would prove particularly challenging to use with abortion.)

Here goes…

Human-anatomy-organ-diagramParts, Schmarts

Oh, pish. Body parts! What a silly little thing to be all in a bunch about. I mean we’re talking about a few ounces of flesh here, flailing our arms about for the punctuation, when we should be talking about the sentence: Viable Humanity has enough problems of its own. The whole Planned Parenthood fiasco is milk and water, I tell you, I’ve scraped more flesh off my knee. Pro-lifers call them “babies.” Did these babies even have a single thought in their wee heads that we should so fuss? Does my pinky finger have a right to sue if I bite my nail? Being born’s not all it’s cracked up to be, anyway. Amen? It’s practically a favor, what Planned Parenthood does for this country and to those future homeless welfarians they rescue from the jaws of depravity– a favor that promotes the cause of science and frees up the horizons of countless young ladies. Amen, amen? I’m all over women’s rights. You know, darling, there are so many more important things in the world to be worrying our pretty heads over, so many more alive things in the full sense of the word. Alive as in, can appreciate a California Merlot or box seats for Phantom of the Opera or a petite filet mignon, rare. You know, alive. Fully. Gloriously. All this silly talk about body parts just makes me bite my nails. And that’s rude, biting one’s nails. Not to mention, unhealthy.

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