Confidently wrong. That is a phrase that’s been used to describe me. It’s quite annoying. I don’t mean for me. I’m talking about those unfortunates who ask me a question. My confidence causes them to take my advice, and my wrongness causes us to be, well, wrong. And we usually discover it together. In the car. Then we’re lost. I look sheepishly at said person, and we double back. This has happened so many times, you’d think people would be smart enough to know: do the opposite of what Kelly confidently says to do.
See how I’ve taken no blame for this? Don’t diminish the importance of self-acquittal as a life skill. It dovetails nicely with being confidently wrong.
On to the important topic: cake. After my post on the writing recipe, I got several comments and private rebukes about the fact that YOU CAN SUBSTITUTE OUT THE OIL IN CAKES, KELLY! I DO IT ALL THE TIME. AND YOU CAN SUB OUT EGGS….AND SUB THIS AND SUB THAT… (oh my gosh, what can you not substitute?) Confidently wrong answer: baking soda.
So. I was wrong. At least it was about cakes and not about the number of people who are going to absolutely-for-sure die from coronavirus or crowd out our hospitals while they languish with it. At least I didn’t assert in my confidently-wrong manner how to handle things back in March…I could have made a huge blunder and caused financial havoc, widespread fear and panic, and torn asunder the fabric of our culture. Whew. Just cakes and oil.
When I heard you can substitute applesauce for oil in a cake recipe, I was intrigued. Who doesn’t want to have her cake and eat it too? I figured the cake would be yucky, and I made no bones about that. But then I thought: Why sub just applesauce, which is a nutritional zero, when I can get something good and add fiber to my cake with a different substitution?
So what did I do? Purists might say I butchered my grandmother’s cake. That she’s rolling over in her grave. But I say I used my grandmother’s recipe as a springboard and turned it healthy. I substituted red lentils for the oil. I subbed yogurt for the sour cream. I subbed monk fruit for the sugar. I took a perfectly unhealthy, delicious cake, and I turned it into what could be called a Powerbar with very little exaggeration.
I just ate two pieces. They’re good. They’re not as good as the one with real sugar and oil and no legumes. But it feels like dessert on my tongue. And, other than white flour, there is legit nothing bad in this cake. I just ate two more pieces. (I have a problem with moderation.) It’s really good.
So there you have it, friends. I was wrong about recipes. Apparently, EVERYTHING can be substituted.