This Thanksgiving, stop. Halt the cooking, put your flour-dusted, pumpkin-splattered ear up to the knobby pink mountain of white meat and listen. As you scoop your third helping of baked marshmallows with a dab of sweet potatoes, and your nether regions fuse to the chair, take note. When your uncle walks in wearing a Make… Continue reading To You. From the Turkey
Waiver Most epic adventures don't start out with an application and an insurance waiver, but Tom Kinzel, CEO of Chilly Thrills saw the writing on the wall: the positive correlation between epicness and peril. The 200 bodies strewn upon Mt. Everest gave their silent testimony: counterphobia (charging your worst nightmare) while epic, is risky. But… Continue reading Funny! Fiction for Cracked Flash
"So where is it?" Jude asked as he spun me and gathered my hair in his fist, exposing my neck. "No 'on' button here," he whispered huskily, "How do I turn you on, Kate? I'm so very hungry..." I stared flatly into his eyes, barely holding my stoic mask. Suddenly he jerked my arm straight… Continue reading Tickled Slink, A G-Rated Story
I'm not whining, for the record, I'm recording. Those violins are entirely coincidental. Ever have an experience that was so thoroughly insane that you wondered whether God-in-heaven had just bragged about you to Satan, "Have you considered my servant, X?" March, 2014. I had pneumonia. Not walking pneumonia, mind you. Although I walked from the… Continue reading Incidentally You Have a Brain Tumor and Your Van Won’t Start
San Juan, 20 years ago. I wore a white sundress with yellow daisies and felt like Ponce de Leon. We posed for pictures on the crumbling ramparts of stone castles and swaggered along narrow cobblestone streets watching artists birth exotic paintings using only coffee cans and spray paint. My hair was half braided into cornrows… Continue reading Carpe Diem. They’ll Never Notice the Pillow Cases.